Last week on the blog, we shared some tips for dealing with difficult emotions such as stress, anxiety, anger or sadness. This advice came from our Director of Care, Bethel Lascano, who is a trained therapist as well as a Registered Nurse (RN). Bethel is an excellent resource for our clients and their families, and we are pleased to share her strategies to their benefit.
We’re continuing this four part series with a closer look at managing our emotions. Our main focus is taking control of your feelings and reactions in a stressful situation—or as Bethel sometimes puts it more casually, how to stop freaking out! If you have any questions or would like to learn more about homecare services in Toronto and the surrounding areas, please contact us. We’d be glad to hear from you.
Why is it so hard to control our emotions?
Having feelings (even strong ones!) is healthy and normal, but frequently feeling overwhelmed or ruled by your emotions is not ideal. This is an indication of emotional dysregulation, and it can impact both our quality of life and our relationships with family, friends and community members.
“Being able to regulate our emotions is having the ability to control or influence which emotions you have, when you have them, and how you experience and express them,” Bethel explains. “Emotions are out of control, or ‘dysregulated’ when you are unable, despite your best efforts, to change which emotions you have, when you have them, or how you experience or express them.”
While some of us have healthy, effective coping strategies, many people have unhealthy and unproductive habits when it comes to dealing with difficult emotions. This may include expressing oneself in a way that’s self-destructive or hurtful to others, or could look like hiding and/or suppressing emotions. Neither of these approaches is ideal, but they’re not uncommon. “There are also many factors that sometimes make regulating emotions more difficult for some, such as our genetic predispositions, lack of skills training in our early years, experiencing emotions in invalidating and intense environments, hormone, and brain chemistry changes, and adopting myths about emotion that become barriers to our personal growth,” Bethel says. So if your instinct is to blow up at a loved one or bury your feelings completely, don’t feel ashamed—this is common and positive change is possible. With help and guidance, you can work towards healthier, more productive habits.
The first goal of learning how to regulate emotions is to be able to understand and name them, Bethel says, noting that some of the most common negative emotions we face are anger, shame, disgust, sadness, fear, guilt, envy, and jealousy.
“Emotions have purpose and we can learn to recognise how they manifest in our behaviour,” she explains. “Learning to regulate our emotions can decrease the frequency in which we feel unwanted emotions and decrease our emotional vulnerability and suffering.”
The chart below illustrates how some difficult emotions may manifest in an individual. While the purpose is important, the behaviours noted may be counterproductive (often referred to as ‘maladaptive behaviours’).
When you look over this chart, you may recognize some of your own feelings and behaviours. And that’s a good thing! Each emotion has a purpose and is valuable in its own way. As Bethel explains, “Emotions help us to communicate with ourselves and to others, and they motivate us for action. It’s good for us to acknowledge our emotions and understand them.”
This is just the beginning—recognizing these emotions in order to deal with them. Our next post will focus on validating our emotions—how to do it, why it matters and more. Thanks for reading and take care!